It was one of those days. A friend of mine was visiting and we were having the usual men gossip when she said:
“Q, see I don’t get all those talks about me not sleeping over at my boo’s house o…I mean how the hell do I get to know him in toto if I don’t spend ‘quality’ time with him; not just outdoors but indoors as well?” and I shrugged, not quite sure how to respond.
Personally, I understand why any parent or guardian or even the society would insist that ladies do not spend the night at their lovers’ houses. In fact, women get prejudiced for even attempting to sleep over at their boos’ places in the event that something bad happened. Take for instance, Aunty gets physically abused or worse raped, the first questions on many people’s minds would be “Why she go he house? Why she no sit-down for her papa house? Who send am?”
But besides the persistent increase in domestic violence and rape, there is also the case of diminished bride price. No parent wants their daughter to be paid lesser than the original price simply because Oga bobo has already had a taste of the apple pie.
But the case seems to differ when the relationship is a long distance one. Oga bobo is finally in town and you are telling Sister Mary that she should not sleep over. She would just look at you as if you’ve smoked something.
“Sleeping over does not necessary mean we will have sex” my friend insisted “In as much as it provides such an opportunity, we can choose not to”
And this is the part where I say: “Oh! Nsogbu! Grammar! E-n-g-i-l-i-s-h!
In as much as I agree somehow, I still disagree o. It is true that nothing might happen depending on the circumstances surrounding the sleeping over or perhaps Brother Man had finally seen Jesus or had had some serious Holy Ghost intervention where the angels of the lord told him they would strike him down if he touched you. Even with that, it would still take the entire refrain in the world for him not to. And there is also the inclusion that perhaps he has just discovered that you are his cousin or some distant relative, perhaps you are his father’s uncle’s brother’s sister’s cousin or something-something like that.
It is only a naive girl that would spend the night over in her boo’s apartment and not expect anything to happen. It’s as if you are deliberately tempting the force of nature, booing and shaking your bumbum in its face like “mbok, see me o….you cannot do anything o…you can not do anything….duh!”
It is said that our generation has moved from just the wooing facets in relationship. The water they say must somehow be tested before it can be swum and there are many theories that support this. These theories even go as far as insisting that even though intimacy is the most least-talked-about in relationships, it is no doubt the most crucial especially in marriages and the only way one can really get to find out if his or her instrument is working properly and effectively, is to sleep over.
That is all I have to say in the matter…
Last night, I received a call from one of my girlfriends.
“Q, come and carry me o” I was still rubbing the sleep from my eyes trying to place the voice when she yelled into the phone again, “Q!!!!!! Can’t you hear me?”
“Shade…”my brain finally registered. She had called with an unknown number and her voice seemed to have changed with the night “Where are you?”
“I am in my boo’s place. I no fit sleep” She said and I could hear some shrieking sound in the background.
“Aha!” I exclaimed “Why na?”
“Babe the guy dey snore like 10KVA generator and I no fit sleep at all, or no worry, I go go sleep for parlor” she said and then dropped the call.
It is said that sleeping over helps in many ways to truly get to know a person besides intimacy. The proponents of this notion actually argue that a person is more themselves in their homes than when they are out there in the dating world posing like the Mr. and Mrs. Perfect that they are not. It is very easy to lie that you are this or that or you don’t do this or that. Imagine sleeping over and you discover that your boo still curls up like a baby and sucks his thumb or that he farts uncontrollably in his sleep. Worse, you wake up in the middle of the night, say 12am to find your girlfriend lying straight on the bed next to you, with both hands by her sides-you know all those witchy-witchy lying positions na- her face is up toward the ceiling and she is chanting gibberish.
Omo! fear go catch you!
This even reminds me of a male friend who complained about waking up at 2:00am in the night to find his girlfriend gone from his bed. He said at first he thought she was in the bathroom but an hour passed and she was no show, so he went looking for her, only to find her in the garden sitting on the grass, smirking and laughing with nobody. He said it had to take three signed testimonials from doctors for him to finally believe she was actually sleep-walking because before then, even his pastor had pronounced her possessed and advised him to run for his life.
I still don’t know if spending the night at a spouse’s place is right or wrong or if it is necessary or not so I’ll really like to know your thoughts. What weird sleep-over experience at a boo/bae’s place have your experienced that you’ll like to share?
Do you think it’s really necessary to spend the night at your spouse’s place even though sex isn’t in your agenda? If you are married and you did, please tell us, was it necessary? Please share… ciao!